


Free Fall

by SpiritWorld



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, They're both dumb for different reasons is what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritWorld/pseuds/SpiritWorld
Summary: “You’re hiding something from me,” Arthur challenged. This had gone on long enough. He was determined to get an answer once and for all.Merlin kept his head turned away, his response quick and pointed. “Brilliant observation.”Merlin's odd behavior as of late has not gone unnoticed by Arthur who vows to find out what's going on. He may jump to one or two conclusions along the way that aren't necessarily true.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 314





	Free Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this took me longer than it should have. Shout out to my wonderful betas on this fic, Liv and Tristan, who really helped me out with this one. You can find them on Tumblr @arthurandmerlin and @swanfloatieknight and Ao3 driftingskies237 and SwanFloatieKnight respectively.

Arthur had been trailing his manservant for the better part of an hour, doing his best to keep himself hidden from sight. It never ceased to amaze him how simple it was to sneak past the castle guards at this time of night. He made himself a mental note to bring this matter to light at a future council meeting.

They were nearing the stables now. Merlin looked over his shoulder sporadically as he approached what Arthur assumed to be the final destination on this late-night excursion of his. He watched from behind a cart of hay as Merlin quietly made his way into the stables, not bothering to shut the doors behind him.

Merlin had been behaving stranger than usual for the better part of the week. The lack of sarcastic comments in response to Arthur’s cutting remarks had tipped him off first. The man often wore his emotions on his sleeve, despite his arguments to the contrary. He’d been sulking about the castle, keeping his interactions short and professional with every person he encountered. Arthur hated how cold and distant Merlin had grown in such a short time. He’d tried to ask what the matter was, but Merlin would always make some halfhearted remark about being tired or having a headache and refused to say much more. Even when the noise of the day died down and they found themselves alone in his chambers, Merlin refused to tell him what was wrong.

The way Merlin held his tongue on the matter infuriated him. He often got like this when he was upset. For all that Merlin teased him for handling his emotions about as well as a pile of rocks, Arthur found that sometimes Merlin wasn’t much better. Merlin’s refusal to confide in him on the matter annoyed him. He wondered if the other man could feel his frustration concerning the situation since he’d not wanted to stay with Arthur the past few nights, electing instead to retreat to his own chambers. Those nights spent alone had sewn seeds of doubt within him that were not easily ignored. What need did Merlin have to keep secrets from him?

Arthur stood up from where he had been crouched in his hiding spot and made his way towards the stable’s side entrance. The secrecy had to end tonight. He was greeted with the sight of Merlin gently patting the horses’ neck as he attempted to bridle it. He had evidently been so focused on his late-night escapade that he hadn’t heard Arthur approach.

“Going out for a midnight ride?” Had it been any other day, Arthur would have laughed at the way the servant jumped out of his skin, obviously caught off guard.

“Arthur! I- it’s not what it looks like,” Merlin assured him, dropping the large sack he’d been holding and kicking it to the side as if it couldn’t possibly have belonged to him.

“So, you weren’t planning on stealing one of the horses to ride off into the woods in the middle of the night?” Arthur asked disbelievingly. The man who he had caught red-handed had the audacity to scoff and roll his eyes at him.

“Well, _stealing_ is a bit harsh. I was planning on returning her. It’s more like borrowing.”

“ _Mer_ lin. Why exactly are you trying to steal a horse?”

“I was _borrowing_ the horse to- to go on a ride. Just like you said. Clear my head after a long day you know.” Merlin truly was one of the worst liars in the five kingdoms. It was a wonder the man had survived 23 years thus far.

“Honestly, Merlin, what has gotten into you lately?” Arthur could feel the muscles in his jaw twitch in annoyance. Why wouldn’t he just tell him?

“What’s gotten into _me_? You’re the one getting your smallclothes in a twist over me borrowing a horse.”

“Enough about the sodding horse, Merlin! I don’t care about the horse!” Arthur shouted in exasperation. It took all the power he possessed within him to not shout again as Merlin shushed him loudly, one finger pressed to his own lips in a demonstration of silence.

“Any louder and you’ll wake the whole of Camelot you prat,” Merlin hissed, turning his attention to the horse at his side who was spooked by the sudden shift in volume.

“You’re hiding something from me,” Arthur challenged. This had gone on long enough. He was determined to get an answer once and for all.

Merlin kept his head turned away, his response quick and pointed. “Brilliant observation.”

_What is it? Where are you going? How did you expect to get away with it?_ The thoughts all ran together in his mind, weighing heavy on the tip of his tongue. He felt the questions ready to pour out of him, one after another, but when he opened his mouth again to respond, all that came out was a quiet but firm “Why?”

The man who had been meticulously avoiding his gaze during their exchange snapped his head up to look at him curiously. Arthur wasn’t sure if he had imagined the shift in the air between them as the seconds passed by slowly without a word. Merlin’s shoulders, tensed from the unexpected confrontation, loosened as he visibly let his guard drop. The defiant twinkle that was ever present in his eyes dissipated. A small wave of dread curled in the pit of Arthur’s stomach. For a moment, he swore he saw something akin to defeat flash across the man’s face before he poorly attempted to mask his expression again.

“It’s-“ Merlin started and stopped abruptly, his hands closing tightly into fists, fingers digging lightly into his palms to ground himself. “My mother’s ill. They don’t know what’s wrong with her. I need to go see what I can do.”

Arthur’s mind, which had been so eager to supply him with an appropriate line of questioning moments earlier, had now gone silent. The dread that had begun to build its way up inside of him multiplied as he processed the confession. He ignored the sting of betrayal ebbing below his chest, pushing down the feeling of hurt that threatened to consume him were he to let it. He stared blankly at the man before him as his emotions pivoted drastically back and forth between petty anger and an odd sense of guilt. The bitterness that enveloped him nearly made him sick.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t allow you to visit your mother?” _What_? What could he possibly have done to make Merlin think he wouldn’t be allowed to ride out to see his own mother? To be so secretive about it all? Arthur scrubbed his mind for anything he could have said recently to give Merlin such an awful impression of him but could think of nothing. Had he been sharing a bed with a man these past few weeks who was beginning to hate everything they had become? Had he begun to regret it? “You’re happy to lie to me when it’s convenient and then plan to disappear for a few days? Is that it?” He had said too much now, he knew, but it was impossible to stop the words as they fell out of his mouth of their own accord. Merlin stepped back suddenly as if he had been struck by the very accusation itself.

“What? No! Arthur, that is _not_ what this is about,” Merlin retorted, his face scrunching up in disbelief. Arthur didn’t understand what was so confusing. It had all become clear as day to him.

“Then what is it about? I thought-“ _You trusted me. I meant something to you. You knew I cared._

“Thought what?” Merlin inquired, arms crossed defensively across his torso. Arthur felt his throat begin to burn and a telling pressure start to form behind his eyes. 

“I obviously thought wrong,” he admitted, softer than he had meant too. He’d known when this _thing_ between them had begun a few months prior that it would end in something like this. Merlin himself had assured him that he was overthinking it all as always. Arthur briefly closed his eyes as he remembered the way Merlin’s lips had ghosted across the length of his bare shoulder, whispering fleeting promises against his skin in the darkness of the early morning hours. He opened his eyes again properly to look at the man who stood before him, eyes bloodshot and skin unusually pale. The news of his mother’s questionable health had evidently shaken him beyond what Arthur had observed in the past days. Looking closer, he noticed the darkening circles under the servant’s eyes. He wondered briefly how much Merlin had slept since he received the news.

Arthur was good at holding on to his negative emotions when he allowed it. It was useful at times in the heat of battle. Anger and annoyance had always come easier to him than grief or worry. The longer he looked Merlin in the eyes, however, the quicker his anger slipped away, leaving in its wake only the burning sensation of shame. He watched solemnly as Merlin opened his mouth hesitantly in what was sure to be a confirmation of his mistrust.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d follow me,” Merlin said finally, his comment barely audible even in the still night. Arthur almost expected his anger to return, but nothing came. He felt numb, almost cold despite the warmth that summer nights always brought with them.

“Oh, because that’s so terrible?” He asked, exhausted. The familiar feeling of confusion that had been present earlier settled upon him once more. 

“Yes, Arthur! You’re the King now. You can’t just drop everything to follow me out of the Kingdom!” The servant exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically.

“I would have understood had you told me,” Arthur murmured, picking idly at a stray piece of cloth on his nightshirt. His face burned in humiliation and he hoped the lighting provided by the torches was faint enough to hide how red he had gone.

“You’d have lasted a day before telling Leon to keep an eye on things and riding out.” He’d have lasted more than a day. A day and a half at the very least.

“This is absurd. I would have noticed if you’d gone missing for a few days, you know,” the King answered instead, biting back the wave of embarrassment that washed over him.

“Yes, well-“ Merlin sputtered. Arthur brought one hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, eyebrows drawing together in frustration as realization dawned on him.

“Let me guess. Gaius would have informed me that he had sent you on some quest for extremely rare and important herbs that couldn’t wait?” Arthur cocked an eyebrow awaiting his answer. Merlin cleared his throat.

“It’s almost frightening how accurate that was.”

A breeze rolled through the partially open stable door, and Arthur let his eyes fall shut as it caressed his skin. Their confusing conversation had left him depleted of all his remaining energy. He felt relieved in a way that it had not been what he feared. That Merlin hadn’t suddenly grown tired of him and made plans to leave without him. He found it still hurt that he’d attempted to lie to him about something so significant, but Merlin had a reason. Albeit a preposterous one. It all made his head hurt really. He allowed himself to lean against one of the wooden beams in the stable as he continued to observe Merlin who took a tentative step toward him.

“Truthfully,” Merlin commented unsure, “It would be comforting to have you by my side. I’m not sure what condition I’ll find her in once I arrive in Ealdor.”

Arthur stood up straight once more, his previous qualms almost forgotten as he walked forward to meet him halfway. “Then I’m coming with you. I’ll have Leon inform the council and-” He felt the firm press of a hand against his chest stop him in his tracks. Merlin shook his head slowly. Arthur swore he could see the beginnings of a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

“No. I need to do this alone, Arthur. You’ve a Kingdom to run in case you’ve forgotten. You’re meant to sign a peace treaty with Mercia in the coming days. Your duty is _here_ , to Camelot and its people.” The _not to me_ went unspoken, but Arthur heard it all the same. Merlin let his hand drop from his chest reluctantly as they lapsed into another bout of silence. When had it ever been so hard for them to speak to one another before? Arthur couldn’t recall.

“You sure you’ve got all you need for the journey?” Arthur asked.

“If I’m allowed the horse then yes,” Merlin answered, a weary smile pulling at his lips. Arthur exhaled sharply through his nose, giving him a curt, almost amused nod.

“What if I sent one of the knights with you?”

Merlin rolled his eyes fondly. “No. I can handle myself you know.” For the first time in three days, a proper smile graced the man’s face, eyes crinkling in amusement as he took another step forward crowding into Arthur’s personal space. He let his head drop onto the King’s shoulder, winding his arms loosely around his torso. Arthur could feel his heartbeat elevate as his skin burned with the sudden contact. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around him in return, pulling Merlin in tightly against him.

“Please,” Arthur whispered, his nose pressed gently into the crook of his neck, “just come back safe, Merlin.”

“Alright,” Merlin promised, pulling back from the embrace just enough to lean forward to steal a quick kiss. Arthur barely had time to register it before Merlin addressed him again. “I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

Arthur snorted, surging forward to steal a brief kiss of his own before responding. “That’s the first rational thing you’ve said all night.” As expected, Merlin smacked his arm at the comment, wriggling himself out of Arthur’s grasp to retrieve his belongings left nearly forgotten on the ground.

“Try not to miss me too much,” Merlin quipped, slinging the now dusty bag over his shoulder. He moved to finish adjusting the reins on the horse, who’d grown seemingly uninterested in their small dispute. It felt strange watching him lead the horse from its stall and out of the stables. Arthur followed behind him, attempting to steer his focus away from Merlin’s impending departure.

“When can I expect you back?” He asked quietly once they were stood outside. The birds chirping in nearby trees alerted him to the fact that daybreak was almost upon them.

“I’ll not be gone more than five days if her illness is what I believe it to be,” Merlin answered as he finished tightening the saddle on his horse. “I’ll send word if things don’t go as planned.”

“I can’t believe you were just going to have me believe you were running an errand for Gaius. Honestly, I’ve stopped falling for that excuse ages ago,” Arthur scoffed. So maybe a small bit of annoyance still lingered within him. He thought it justified.

“Hey! I didn’t mean to upset you. You weren’t actually supposed to catch me trying to leave.” Arthur leveled Merlin with a searing glare, lips pulled down into a tight frown. Merlin threw his hands up in front of him defensively. “Right, wrong thing to say, sorry. Well, I mean, it _was_ a sensible plan. The other alternative was faking a mysterious kidnapping, but I’m sure that wouldn’t have gone over too well.”

“ _Mer_ lin!” Arthur scolded, his face paling.

“It was a _joke,_ you dollophead,” Merlin laughed, mounting the horse in the least graceful way Arthur had ever witnessed.

“I think I’ve had enough jokes for tonight. Honesty would be preferable,” Arthur huffed, tilting his head upward to look at Merlin who was now seated on the horse.

“Honesty? Alright,” Merlin said, eyes softening. “I will miss you, you know.”

Arthur extended a hand upwards, grasping Merlin’s hand that wasn’t currently holding onto the rein. He squeezed it once tightly before letting go again. “I will try to be more considerate of your wishes next time if you tell me,” he offered.

“So, I won’t be expecting to see you in Ealdor in the coming days?”

“No, I will remain here. You have my word,” Arthur answered. Merlin nodded, appeased by the response. “Good luck, Merlin. Wish Hunith well for me.”

“I will. Good luck with the delegates from Mercia. They’re a shady lot. Rude as well.” The comment managed to garner a quiet laugh from Arthur. He was not looking forward to the meetings that were to be held in the coming days. Merlin momentarily fixed his gaze on the horizon, scattered rays of sunlight softly illuminating his face as the sun began its ascent in the distance. He turned his attention to Arthur again, a small smile present on his weary features. Arthur recognized the smile well. It was one Merlin assured was only reserved for him. A warm feeling fluttered within him and he let it linger there, not eager to push down his emotions for once.

They said their goodbyes in the peaceful hours of the new day, undisturbed by watchful eyes. As Arthur watched him go, his figure disappearing in the distance, the urge to follow cropped up within him nearly impossible to ignore. He would have gone, he realized, had Merlin not stopped him. He would have gone anywhere with him. Sometimes, when he laid awake at night with Merlin curled around him, arms jutted uncomfortably into his side and loose strands of hair tickling the side of his neck, he thought of a different life. One where he and Merlin lived their days out on a small farm, unbothered by duty or destiny. But things were different here, and, for now, he treasured the stolen moments they shared. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are lovely and comments are deeply appreciated as always. This was a prompt fill for @elizabethleestorms on Tumblr. Come check me out on Tumblr @Meteorjam if you just want to vibe with more Merlin content.


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